Finally at Peace

Mom passed away last night at about 10:30 after two days of labored breathing. We were all exhausted as I'm sure she must have been as well.

she had a much shorter stay here in San Diego than I had expected. We thought we would have at least six months of her here. I guess I didn't have to worry after all about Mom finding my linen closet in a mess and the tablecloths needing to be ironed. There were many things we wanted to do with her here that we never had time for because she was suddenly so sick.

But Mom did lots of things in her life, pretty much whatever she wanted. and she wanted all this to end, so she got her way there too. I'm sure Bruce was happy to have her back.

Our plans are to have Mom cremated so that people who want to be together to celebrate her will be able to make plans for an event in NJ. We will be taking her to Fairview to put her with Bruce and our grandmother. It's such a beautiful place and she picked out a wonderful spot with a view for the family plot when our grandmother died.

We'll let everyone know the plans as soon as we do. We aren't going to rush it because pelple will have to make arrangements to come from Long Island and other places. We'll bring Mom home with us when we come to NJ soon. Diva will leave tomorrow to be home in time to see Gina off to her first day of college. Family life goes on and it's good. But we all have to go through these times as well.

Thanks to everyone who read the blog and sent messages. It was really great to hear from people who read the blog and knew that they cared about us and Mom. You are all such great friends.

Thursday night exhausted

Diva and I apent the day with Mom sometimes sitting with her together and sometimes trading off. Don was finally able to get home from his business trip and Mom is still with us. Just barely but still there. She is really in fina phase with apena which scares you because she stops breathing but then starts again. She is running a fever of 105.6 Can you believe it? We are totally exhausted.

Thursday

I think today might be the day for my mom.

The hospice nurse said she is in a coma now and not responsive but we should consider that she can probably hear us. So Diva and I are sitting with her and talking about the things we normally talk about. That way if she can hear us she will feel included and not sitting in a sad quiet room. We are playing her classical music and Mom seems quiet and peaceful. That has been our goal all along so I guess this is going well.

Okay, okay, here's Wednesdays entry...

I have had so many people mention that they have checked the blog and found no entry for today. It makes me so happy to know that there are so many people out there who are caring enough to check and see how we are doing. Thanks so much to all of you for that.

Yesterday Mom continued to fail and became pretty much unresponsive for most of the day. Around 7pm last night she woke up a bit and we were able to communicate although it was very difficult to understand her. She has been receiving a lot of medication and has been on and off feverish and anxious.

Diva arrived at the airport at 8pm and Mom had pretty much shut down by then so there wasn't really an ability for her to respond to us although I am sure that she could still hear us.

Today has been pretty much the same. She has fallen in deeper and the only sign of life is her continued breathing, sometimes labored and sometimes a bit easier once medication has been administered. She seems to require more now to keep from becoming agitated although it doesn't appear to be directed at anything specific.

So Diva and I are sometimes sitting with her together or we take turns. Hospice is still here 24 hours and they take care of everything. We talk to her and have conversations around her because she loves company and people. Miriam was in San Diego for the day and stopped by to see Mom before she heads back up to Santa Monica tonight. We are talking over old times and including Mom in the conversation. I'm hopeful that she can still hear us although there is no response.

I promise to write first thing tomorrow when I see how she is doing so when everyone checks you will have an update. Thanks again to everyone for being concerned about all of us.

quick note that some of you will appreciate

The hospice nurse asked me to get her a mixture of water, mouthwash and olive oil to moisten the inside of Mom's mouth. I sure hope I used the right olive oil. Glad it wasn't the cheap stuff...

final days

She's still hanging in there. But she's very close to the end. Diva arrives tonight at 8pm and I'm hoping that Mom will hang on until then. The hospice nurse thinks that she will, based on current symptoms but things can change quickly. I'm so glad that we made the decision to bring her here. It would have made me nuts to know she was going through all this and yet not know what was going on.

It's amazing how quickly this is going during these stages. Before the weekend she was lively and talking and Saturday she was out in the garden enjoying the weather. I'm so glad that I didn't put off the skype call from her lady neighbor friends. She was starting the decline that morning only I didn't recognize it, really. But she was tired and I almost told Patty to wait. But glad I didn't - she enjoyed it so much.

One thing I can say about it all is that hospice has done a fantastic job at keeping her comfortable. They have been here since Sunday night and it is such a relief to go to sleep at night and know that she is being taken care of and that someone is watching out for her. And it is really wonderful to be able to have Mom here at home rather than worrying and wondering how she is doing in some hospital.

I'll keep everyone posted later during the day and let you know how it goes with Diva's arrival tonight.

I think we are starting the downhill slide - Monday 8/29

This has been a difficult weekend. Mom woke up disoriented and afraid and it took two doses of medication to calm her down. The hospice nurse came and she was better so we got her into the wheelchair and we sat out back in the garden for awhile and she slept in the shade.

By later afternoon she wanted to go back to bed and became more disoriented and anxious as it got into evening. She felt itchy all over and the nurse recommended medication for that. She slept fine through the night.

Sunday morning she was more anxious and disoriented but once medicated she calmed down. the nurse stopped by to see her and she was okay, and her pulse and blood pressure were good. In the afternoon she took a nap but when she woke up she was very frightened and disoriented and sometimes not responsive. Her eyes were wide open as if she were frightened and she didn't speak for over an hour. We called hospice and our nurse came back. Mom was still the same when she got here. It seemed that she could hear us but did not respond verbally.

the nurse gave her more morphine and a stronger antianxiety medication and she relaxed but was still not really with us. They moved us into critical care and we had a nurse here all night and another one here for today. We will have one overnight tonight as well.

Mom's vital signs are changing and her blood pressure is falling. She isn't able to swallow so all the medication she is being given is by liquid or suppository. She is comfortable and sleeping. Her temperature is not dropping and is just below normal. The hospice people are here to keep her comfortable and not in pain.

She would be so upset to hear that her favorite tree came down in the hurricane on Sunday. She loves that tree and we were just talking about it a couple of weeks ago when I was in NJ with her. she gave her neighbor Patty a couple of seedlings and hopefully they will do well and carry on the tradition.

The thing that was the most fun for Mom this weekend was a skype call from the neighbor ladies in Mountainside that all called to tell her they miss her. A bunch of them went to the neighbor across the street and they called on the computer so that Mom could see all of them. It really made her happy and she was glad to hear that they hadn't forgotten about her. thanks all of you ladies for doing that!