Okay, okay, here's Wednesdays entry...

I have had so many people mention that they have checked the blog and found no entry for today. It makes me so happy to know that there are so many people out there who are caring enough to check and see how we are doing. Thanks so much to all of you for that.

Yesterday Mom continued to fail and became pretty much unresponsive for most of the day. Around 7pm last night she woke up a bit and we were able to communicate although it was very difficult to understand her. She has been receiving a lot of medication and has been on and off feverish and anxious.

Diva arrived at the airport at 8pm and Mom had pretty much shut down by then so there wasn't really an ability for her to respond to us although I am sure that she could still hear us.

Today has been pretty much the same. She has fallen in deeper and the only sign of life is her continued breathing, sometimes labored and sometimes a bit easier once medication has been administered. She seems to require more now to keep from becoming agitated although it doesn't appear to be directed at anything specific.

So Diva and I are sometimes sitting with her together or we take turns. Hospice is still here 24 hours and they take care of everything. We talk to her and have conversations around her because she loves company and people. Miriam was in San Diego for the day and stopped by to see Mom before she heads back up to Santa Monica tonight. We are talking over old times and including Mom in the conversation. I'm hopeful that she can still hear us although there is no response.

I promise to write first thing tomorrow when I see how she is doing so when everyone checks you will have an update. Thanks again to everyone for being concerned about all of us.

quick note that some of you will appreciate

The hospice nurse asked me to get her a mixture of water, mouthwash and olive oil to moisten the inside of Mom's mouth. I sure hope I used the right olive oil. Glad it wasn't the cheap stuff...

final days

She's still hanging in there. But she's very close to the end. Diva arrives tonight at 8pm and I'm hoping that Mom will hang on until then. The hospice nurse thinks that she will, based on current symptoms but things can change quickly. I'm so glad that we made the decision to bring her here. It would have made me nuts to know she was going through all this and yet not know what was going on.

It's amazing how quickly this is going during these stages. Before the weekend she was lively and talking and Saturday she was out in the garden enjoying the weather. I'm so glad that I didn't put off the skype call from her lady neighbor friends. She was starting the decline that morning only I didn't recognize it, really. But she was tired and I almost told Patty to wait. But glad I didn't - she enjoyed it so much.

One thing I can say about it all is that hospice has done a fantastic job at keeping her comfortable. They have been here since Sunday night and it is such a relief to go to sleep at night and know that she is being taken care of and that someone is watching out for her. And it is really wonderful to be able to have Mom here at home rather than worrying and wondering how she is doing in some hospital.

I'll keep everyone posted later during the day and let you know how it goes with Diva's arrival tonight.

I think we are starting the downhill slide - Monday 8/29

This has been a difficult weekend. Mom woke up disoriented and afraid and it took two doses of medication to calm her down. The hospice nurse came and she was better so we got her into the wheelchair and we sat out back in the garden for awhile and she slept in the shade.

By later afternoon she wanted to go back to bed and became more disoriented and anxious as it got into evening. She felt itchy all over and the nurse recommended medication for that. She slept fine through the night.

Sunday morning she was more anxious and disoriented but once medicated she calmed down. the nurse stopped by to see her and she was okay, and her pulse and blood pressure were good. In the afternoon she took a nap but when she woke up she was very frightened and disoriented and sometimes not responsive. Her eyes were wide open as if she were frightened and she didn't speak for over an hour. We called hospice and our nurse came back. Mom was still the same when she got here. It seemed that she could hear us but did not respond verbally.

the nurse gave her more morphine and a stronger antianxiety medication and she relaxed but was still not really with us. They moved us into critical care and we had a nurse here all night and another one here for today. We will have one overnight tonight as well.

Mom's vital signs are changing and her blood pressure is falling. She isn't able to swallow so all the medication she is being given is by liquid or suppository. She is comfortable and sleeping. Her temperature is not dropping and is just below normal. The hospice people are here to keep her comfortable and not in pain.

She would be so upset to hear that her favorite tree came down in the hurricane on Sunday. She loves that tree and we were just talking about it a couple of weeks ago when I was in NJ with her. she gave her neighbor Patty a couple of seedlings and hopefully they will do well and carry on the tradition.

The thing that was the most fun for Mom this weekend was a skype call from the neighbor ladies in Mountainside that all called to tell her they miss her. A bunch of them went to the neighbor across the street and they called on the computer so that Mom could see all of them. It really made her happy and she was glad to hear that they hadn't forgotten about her. thanks all of you ladies for doing that!

Pain relief

Well the morphine seems to have done the trick. Mom is finally not having pain. and she is happy as well - a bit loopy - but happy. She's looking pretty good also. She must be losing weight because she isn't eating much but it's hard to tell because she hasn't wanted to get out of bed since the stroke. She goes for days without eating anything (she is drinking fluids, though) and then decides she is hungry and has a good lunch and dinner. Evidently the morphine supresses the appetite.

so think about this - morphine makes you happy, pain free, and no appetite. Sounds like a diet drug, doesn't it???

Last night she was watching some Italian movie on tv and singing along with the music. That was really fun to see. She was waving her fork in the air to the timing. she wasn't using the fork much to eat my meatballs, but she was doing a great job as a conductor.

Morphine Mamma - Wednesday August 24th

today the Hospice dr came with a nurse and talked to Mom. They doubled her dose of morphine to keep her comfortable. It seems to be helping her so we'll see how the additional dosage will do. It's still a small dose compared to what they sometimes give, I guess. It is just to keep her comfortable. She still only really has pain when she urinates and the lighter dose of morphine seemed to be helping quite a bit so maybe this will eleviate it completely.

Evidently the tumor has grow back almost completely because they tried to insert a cathater to see if they could avoid her having to urinate and have that pain, but they couldn't insert it because the tumor has already grown back to the large size and is blocking the entrance. The nurse didn't want to force it and make the tumor bleed because they had a problem with that during the original procedure where they tried to remove it.

Last night Mom had a bad leg cramp at about 4am and I gave her a morphine dose. The dr said this morning that it might be a blood clot but there isn't anything they can do about it other than take her in to the hospital for a sonogram but even then they couldn't give her blood thinners. She is actually very sensitive to the touch everywhere and I'm not sure what that is all about.

She's only been here 2 1/2 weeks. the hospice dr said that she probably will last some period of weeks rather than months because she is looking pale and her nailbeds are pale which is an indication that she is still losing blood. They are not going to do anything about that. They said she is probably anemic.

Mom is a happy camper on her morphine and it's kind of funny. I'm calling her morphine Mamma. She was on the phone yacking to some of her friends last night, had some pasta for dinner and then went to sleep. Her spirits are good and she isn't complaining about anything. So you know it's the drugs or she would have something to say about everything. Good thing she can't get out of bed and see what a mess my linen closet is!! And to make it worse the candelabra hasn't been polished!

Monday 8/22

Mom had a busy weekend comparatively speaking. Saturday her hospital bed arrived and we moved her into it. I think it is going to be a big improvement for her because is allows her to sit up and gives her a table at the right level for her to eat from. Also on Saturday our friend Kay came to visit Mom and talk. She is an active member of the local Catholic church and Mom was happy to have someone to talk to about the church, her experiences, and all things related. Mom asked her to have her rosary blessed which Kay did the next day on Sunday.

Sunday Margo and Miriam Kozel came to visit her from Santa Monica. They are Daisy's daughters, for those of you who are close family friends. We had a great time with them - they brought holiday photos from way back with my grandparents and their parents and lots of others. Mom really loved seeing them and they promise to come back soon with more photos - Daisy took lots of photos at these gatherings.

All these visits last about an hour or less and Mom gets tired out and needs a nap. But she really perks up when she has company so I am going to have to enlist more people to come visit. Hospice will send people over to visit as well. So I might just take advantage of it.

We have had a hospice nurse come by every day since they got involved. They have upped her pain medication but she is still hurting - only when urinating though. However, that process is very painful for her.

Mom appears to be recovered from the stroke last week and we are going to try to get her out of bed today for a bit. She is asking to sit up and I think if she can get out to the garden for awhile it will do her good. If her legs are okay we can help her walk out. Otherwise we can put her in the wheelchair and take her outside. Either way I think the change of scene and the fresh air will do her good.